I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize