I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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