These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize