did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
