Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
