I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
