Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
