Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
