The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
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