I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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