You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
