Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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