its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize