So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
