how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
