didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
