So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
