I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
