No stitches, just platelets and will power
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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