You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Actions speak louder than pants.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Randomize
