walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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