omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
