I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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