Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
