respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
