If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize