it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
