how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
