i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
