There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
