i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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