I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
