Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
