she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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