I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
