I just pynch a tree in the face
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
