It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
