Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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