why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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