I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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