Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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