Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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