Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
