Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
