You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
