I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
