hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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