and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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