theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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