She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize