And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
