hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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