Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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