twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
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