According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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