Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
