Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
