dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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