I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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