I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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