i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
