i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize