Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
no you cant smoke seaweed
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
