I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
