There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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