I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
