he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
