I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
