Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
