my phone needs a breathalizer
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
