that's an acceptable place to lick
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize