Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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