Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
