Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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