yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
